Bunk beds in economy? What Michael Turtle would do if he was Qantas CEO

With Alan Joyce confirming this week that he's stepping down in November, Qantas CFO Vanessa Hudson has been announced as his successor. Sure, she may have the financial background to deal with the unions and negotiate some of the airline's tricky labour issues. And, after 28 years with the company, she's probably in a good position to start repairing some of the reputational damage Qantas suffered after the pandemic with its delays, cancellations, lost bags, and soaring prices.

But does Hudson have the vision for the national carrier that Michael Turtle could have offered?

My first move as Qantas CEO would've been to bring in new destinations - and not just to some places, but to all places! Never again will you need to transit, because now Qantas will fly directly to everywhere on the planet. Bonjour, Paris! Marhaba, Cairo! Toodle-oo, Tuvalu, thanks for having us!

Once we've got this route network going, it's time to bring back everyone's favourite blast from the past - the mystery flight! Forget the gimmicky version Qantas did in 2021, which cost $737 per person. I want the old 1990s style when you paid a token amount and were put on whatever aircraft had spare seats, fingers crossed for Cairns but ending up in Adelaide.

Speaking of, why are international flights so expensive the day before they leave? Instead of extorting huge amounts of cash from last-minute travellers, why not sell off the leftover seats cheap? I wasn't planning on going to Jakarta this week (or anytime, to be honest) but I'll jump on a plane for $200 and help offset the flight cost... and get some fresh chicken satay as a bonus.

While we're on the topic of 90s nostalgia, one of the first things I would reinstate as Qantas CEO is kids in the cockpit! Maybe this still happens, but I haven't seen it for ages. When I was a child, flying domestically quite regularly, I often got to pop up the front and see what was happening with the pilots, which I think is perhaps the source of my love of aviation. (Damn, I should've put that in my application letter!)

How about a children's area in the plane for long-haul flights? Nobody likes a screaming baby or a fidgeting toddler, especially their parents. So let's turn a row of seats at the back of the A380 into a little games room full of toys and Peppa Pig videos. No more tears at the front, and everyone wins.

When I say 'front', of course I mean the first few rows of economy. I rarely get to go further forward than that. But another of my projects as CEO would be to make business class rentable by the hour! $15,000 return to London, as it can cost at the moment from Sydney, is an outrageous amount that the average Aussie can't pay. But how about just paying an extra $1000 for a few hours at the front? Is it worth it to stretch out flat, watch a movie on the big screen, and have a three-course meal?

If the shareholders don't like that idea, I've got another. How about bunk beds in economy? There's enough space in cattle class for all of us to stretch out, but we just need to rearrange things better - this sitting in rows is so old-fashioned. I stayed in hostels when I was younger that could've fitted 500 people into a Dreamliner, so it's definitely possible!

In fact, I think people like me should get extra room, so that's something else I would propose. What do you mean 'people like me', I hear you ask, aggrieved. I mean people who only travel with carry on! It's rare I use all (if any) of the 50 kilograms of baggage that's allowed as a frequent flyer. It would be wonderful if there was a way to claim the equivalent space on the plane. Or, failing that, perhaps sell some of my baggage allowance to someone who wants to bring more.

I realise nobody feels sorry for travellers with frequent flyer status who get more kilos of baggage or other perks like lounge access. But I can promise you, other than some curry or pasta and some cheap wine (I mean, free... but cheap), there's not much exciting about the Qantas domestic lounges. And that's why I would bring in lounge trivia, where you can join a table and try to answer some questions as a team, with the opportunity for any passenger to win a place in the lounge. It's just like the pub... except you can rush off to board when you don't know the answer.

Because ultimately, that's what running an airline is all about, right? Keeping passengers happy, rewarding the loyal ones, finding good value ways for them to spend more money for things they want - and a few more mystery flights! Cairns, here I come! Urgh... it's Adelaide again.

You can see more on Michael's Time Travel Turtle website.